Kathleen Gage, CEO and founder of Turning Point, Inc. and Maxwell Publishing is a bestselling author; an internationally recognized Internet marketing and publicity expert; and an award-winning keynote speaker.
Kathleen is a highly results oriented business advisor who works with speakers, trainers, consultants, entrepreneurs and authors. Her unique Street Smarts Marketing Series programs are designed to help you achieve the business results you desire in the most efficient, cost-effective way by Kathleen Gage
I hold the belief that
one's outward experiences will be reflected as a result of inner thoughts and
beliefs. I didn't always know this to be true which was very evident in
how much of a victim mentality I had.
In essence, when someone
is not willing to look at their part in a situation, the situation will
continue to manifest over and over. The circumstances may change, the people
may change, the location may change, but the essence remains the same. In order
for something to change outwardly, we must change inwardly.
Yesterday I went to a
restaurant I had been to a few months ago. It is in a small tourist town about
40 miles from where I live. My first experience at this unique restaurant,
housed in a historical building, was incredible. The food was beyond delicious,
the ambiance most enjoyable and the service incredible.
Basing my decision to
travel 40 miles to the restaurant on my first experience I anticipated another
wonderful experience.
With great excitement
myself and the other three women really looked forward to the great food and
service. The food was as we expected it, but the service was less than
satisfactory.
It appeared as if we were
somewhat of an annoyance to our server, a young woman who didn't engage in any
pleasantries with any of us and seemed rather irritated when we requested a
specific table. Thinking perhaps I was imagining this (after all, my last
experience in this establishment was incredible), I chose to ignore my initial
thoughts about the server.
As the experience
unfolded it became apparent I wasn't imagining the situation. At one point I
asked the young woman how long she had worked at the restaurant. "Only a
couple months," was her complete answer.
"Do you enjoy
working here?" I prodded.
"It's a job,"
she responded flatly.
"Even when you get
to meet fun people like us?" I joked, thinking this would bring a smile to
her face.
"I just don't like
it. I would rather be working in health-care. But I had a job in a doctor's
office and the people there were awful," she continued on
completely oblivious to
the fact we were guests in the restaurant, paying good money for an enjoyable
experience.
"It seems this would
be a great place to work," I pressed on.
"The place is okay,
but the people I work with are awful."
I was stunned at her flat
statements.
She said the reason she
left her last job was because the people were awful there too. I decided there
was no point in continuing the discussion with her because she seemed to
believe every work situation she had been in had awful people. It was apparent
that no matter where she had worked she had been miserable because of
"them".
What she seemed
completely ignorant of is that until her attitude changes she will continue to
experience similar experiences because of the beliefs, thoughts and filters she
has. It is likely she feels like a victim in virtually any situation she is in.
I don't know this for sure, but I would guess this to be the case.
Unfortunately, lots of
people live in this space. No matter what goes on around them if they are
miserable it is because of everyone but themselves.
I'm not saying there are
not situations in which things really are bad, but often a person's beliefs
will turn a good situation bad because that is the way they are viewing the
world.
Back to our restaurant
experience. The interesting thing is that the rest of the
I contend it is because
she chose to. How do I know. Because I used to live in the same space. No
matter how good a situation was, I could always find something wrong and I
could easily blame others for my misery.
It wasn't until I
discovered that my thoughts, beliefs and attitudes have so much to do with my
interpretation of an experience. Again, I'm not saying there aren't harsh
realities people experience. What I am saying is sometimes the reality is harsh
based on interpretation.
Take for example being
stuck in traffic. One person can moan and groan saying, "Why does this
always happen to me? Look at all these people taking up the road. I hate
this!"
While another person can
say, "Hmmm, might be a while until I reach my destination. I may as well
enjoy the experience. I can listen to good music or even an inspirational CD
that I keep in my car."
It this far fetched. No,
I don't believe it is. I absolutely believe we choose to be victims or not.
It's all based on perception, attitude, and thoughts.
Will I go back to the
restaurant again? I don't know. What I do know is I am not as eager to do so
because in my world I have choice and my choice is to minimize the amount of
time I am around negative people. Simple as that.
When one of the women in
our group said, "If it's true that our thoughts determine our experiences
why did we have this experience?"
Great question. One, I
had a great time is spite of our server's attitude. Two, the experience gave me
great fodder for what you just read.
What is your
interpretation of your experiences?
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